So frustrating, I just want to cry!

I'm so upset. I should be able to give my child the nutrition she needs and I can't. I hate all this. I hate insurance companies. I hate politics. I hate it all.

Evelyn has lost weight since starting the cheaper formula (the only stuff we can afford).

We have a friend who has given us her daughter's tube feeding formula that is left over for free. It's the stuff Evelyn was supposed to be on originally but insurance wouldn't cover and we couldn't afford-Peptamin Jr 1.5.

Evelyn hasn't gained much weight in the past 6 months. But after ONE week of this formula (about the best you can get!) she has gained three, yes THREE pounds. In ONE week. She is now 36 pounds. We have about 1-2 weeks left and I anticipate getting to near 36.5 with it. That blows my mind!!!!

But it also makes me sad. Because she thrives on it and I can't give it to her. Because it's too freaking expensive. It shouldn't be this way. It's not fair. Each case is $300. She needs 4 cases a month.

Our friend's daughter has changed her feedings and now she'll need the left over stuff she had. Which means we won't be getting more. I just pray she won't lose too much weight when we switch her back

Thankfully we found two foundations that give free formula to people in need (people donate their surplus or money and that is in turn given to families in need). IF you need a good place to donate money-these are a great cause! They donate formula, tube feeding supplies and medical supplies free of charge to those in need. We are getting one case of the "good" stuff from the Feeding Foundation. The other-the Oley foundation, we may be getting more from as well. You do have to pay shipping with Oley which is about $20 a case, but still, it's way cheaper than what it normally would cost. When Evelyn's done with tube feedings we are definitely going to donate to these foundations. They have limited supplies though. They only have what others donate, so we can't count on it. I'm just glad we can get a few cases here and there from it to fill in the gaps.

So that's my vent for the day. There are times that I feel like a failure cause I can't give my daughter what she needs. But I know we are doing the best we can and that's all we can do. Please pray we somehow can get a case here and there from the foundations and also pray that when we go back to the cheaper formula all this weight gain doesn't disappear :(